I love a good limerick. Recently I cooked up a couple for two of my grandsons:

There once was a boy named Vin

Who suddenly became very thin

His mum said, ‘Eat more

‘Or you’ll feel very sore

‘When your bones start to poke through your skin.’

And:

There once was a boy named Nate

Who loved everything that he ate

He really loved meat

Thought his veggies a treat

And he licked every crumb from his plate.

Not brilliant, but they amused the boys. My favourite limericks are anti-clerical, for example:

A habit both foul and unsavoury

Kept the Bishop of London in slavery

With lecherous howls

He deflowered little owls

Which he kept in an underground aviary.

And:

From deep in the crypt at St Giles

Came a scream that resounded for miles

Said the vicar, ‘Good gracious

‘Has Father Ignatius

‘Forgotten the Bishop has piles?’

Some limericks are academic. Such as:

There was a young man from St Johns

Who attempted to bugger the swans

When up came a porter

Saying, ‘Sir, take my daughter

‘The swans are reserved for the dons.’

All limericks present a visual image. One of the best examples I know is:

Every time Lady Lowbodice swoons

Her bubbies pop out like balloons

But her butler stands by

With hauteur in his eye

And lifts them back in with warmed spoons.

Some limericks are very much of their time and require historical knowledge to be appreciated. Such a one is:

There once was a young man from Sark

Who buggered a pig in the dark

Said the swine in surprise

‘God damn your eyes!

‘Do you take me for Boulton or Park?’

(Thomas Edward Boulton and Frederick William Park were part-time actors and cross-dressers who specialised in female roles. In 1871, in full drag near a London theatre, they solicited, perhaps mischievously, passing men. They were arrested and charged with ‘conspiring and inciting persons to commit an unnatural act’. Although both were homosexual, evidence that they had ever had anal intercourse was contradictory and as there was no law against men dressing as women, they were acquitted, but their names remained synonymous with homosexuality for a generation or more.) Many limericks focus on a nationality or ethnicity but almost all of those I know are too obscene to appear here. An exception is the well known:

There once was a man from Australia

Who painted his arse like a dahlia

The colour was fine

Likewise the design

But the aroma, that was a failure.

This was memorably recited by Bryan Brown in the 1980 film Breaker Morant, in his role as Peter Hancock, who was subsequently executed along with Morant for shooting Boer prisoners. A very literary limerick I enjoyed once is now partially lost to me. It appeared in a review of The New Oxford Book of Light Verse (1987) edited by Kingsley Amis, which, incidentally, contained the lyrics of the Beatles song ‘Eleanor Rigby’. It began:

The New Oxford Book of Light Verse

Is admirably witty and terse …

Unfortunately I’ve forgotten the rest. Perhaps an NRB reader can supply or devise one. The limerick gained currency in English in the 18th century when rhyme was in vogue for poetry à la Alexander Pope. I suspect its decline in the 20th century is due partly to rhyme going out of fashion for poets. One of the attributes of the form is to sum up big subjects in short compass, so I offer this – with apologies to CJ Dennis:

Things in this country is crook

With the effin’ nobs all on the rook

An’ the politicians fightin’

(Though it’s mostly back bitin’)

Reckon it’s about time I slung me ’ook.

Tags: Alexander | Pope, Breaker Morant, Bryan | Brown, limericks