The Godfather: Peter Corris on grandparenting
Recently I emailed a friend to explain that a visit he proposed wasn’t convenient because I’d be minding my seven-year-old grandson and wasn’t sure where I’d be. I’d previously sent him and his wife a photograph of me with my five grandsons. He replied understandingly and said he envied me the grandparenting gene, which he said he didn’t have.
I didn’t expect to have it but I do. For that matter I didn’t expect to have the parenting gene. Although I was married or in a relationship through my middle and late 20s I had no thoughts of having children. That changed when, just short of 30, I met Jean, who had a two-year-old daughter.
I was entranced by this kid and gratified by her acceptance of me. From that time on I wanted children, specifically daughters, and we had two more. I think I was a reasonably good father. I loved the children unreservedly and only wanted them to be healthy, happy and successful at what they chose to do. I tried every way I could to help this to happen and it did.
Time went by and I continued to be proud of my daughters but I didn’t suffer from the empty-nest syndrome when they left. Enjoyed the freedom, rather, and had no interest in the concept of grandchildren. After all, such beings would have a major input from other people whom I might not like or be interested in.
That changed with the arrival of the first grandson. As soon as I held him in my arms I felt as though I’d somehow entered a new chapter in my life. Here was something utterly new to engage my interest. And I felt the force of something like a thread of life. There is a photograph of me holding the baby that I believe shows something of this awakening. As a good atheist I know, and am comfortable in the knowledge, that the only life after death is in the genetic legacy and, with luck, the positive memories of others.
My feelings have intensified over time with the arrival of other grandchildren, making up the aforementioned five. As they’ve come along I’ve been fascinated to watch their development as they learn to walk and talk, and their personalities emerge – this one reflective, that one boisterous, another notably humorous.
They range in age from seven to two, in appearance from dark to fair. Nature and nurture have served them well and they’re all healthy, well-behaved, curious about the world and confident in it.
It’s not all plain sailing. Grandchildren, of course, as Tom Kenneally observed when writing on the subject, are bacteriological swamps and pass on coughs and colds to the oldies. Nor is it true that ‘they keep you young’. When I see a five-year-old sit with a ramrod-straight back for an hour or bend and unbend with a fluidity that left me 40 years ago, I feel old.
I play hand-eye coordination games with the boys in the back yard and they wear me down. But to see one hit the sweet spot with a bat or make a perfect connection between foot and ball is a joy.
I’ve dedicated books to them, which might mean something to them in the future. I entertain the hope that they might read some of them and think fondly of me.
This is beautiful Peter, love it.
Thank you!