The Godfather: Peter Corris on turning 70
‘Don’t be Ashamed of Your Age’ – country song by Willie Nelson
The Biblical age of three score years and ten should only be of symbolic weight but sometimes, to me and some of my contemporaries, it appears to have more significance. So I offer these suggestions to minimise or ameliorate the adverse effects for those about to turn 70 or, like me, have already done so. Some are directed only at males; some are tongue in cheek – including the first – joke intended:
1 Clean your teeth carefully, not just for oral hygiene but to minimise damage. Many septuagarians have fillings not much younger than themselves. These can be dislodged by too vigorous cleaning. The root cause (excuse the pun) is decay behind the filling but careful brushing can delay the inevitable.
2 Discard lace-up shoes and adopt slip-ons. Bending and holding a position to tie shoelaces stresses joints and the spine. Position the shoe carefully, lean forward slowly, introduce the foot, wriggle and allow the foot to slip comfortably in.
3 Never, ever, tuck a T-shirt into trousers and tuck a dress or sports shirt in only if wearing a jacket and keeping it buttoned. Only the very trimmest of physiques can display a tucked-in shirt to advantage and to look older and fatter than necessary is foolish.
4 If significantly balding, shave the head. Best to acclimatise to the look and feel of a cold skull before winter arrives. Berets and beanies may be beneficial.
5 If in the happy position of not having to take any medications, do not boast about the fact. After 70, one or a battery of the following assaults will follow – low or high blood pressure, high or inappropriate cholesterol, vitamin deficiency of one sort or another, heart arrhythmia, arthritis, et cetera, and you will be eating humble (gluten-free?) pie.
6 Stop smoking; it’s never too late to stop until it’s really too late. But a mature-age dedicated smoker might choose to consider playwright Tom Stoppard’s remark that he’d think of stopping smoking if immortality were an option.
7 People entering, let’s say, the last 20 per cent of their life spans, would do well to provide themselves with the means to end their lives painlessly and peacefully by their own hands, should their health crumble irreparably or if they should decide they’d lived long enough. Not a problem in parts of Europe and a couple of states in the US but beset with difficulty in Australia. Campaigners such as Philip Nitschke, Andrew Denton and the more progressive among the various death with dignity organisations may eventually turn the tide against laws forbidding euthanasia, but it will take time, and for many people that time is a torment. Bad laws deserve to be broken.
8 On a lighter but still important note: mature people should avoid wearing the same clothes more than three days in succession (underwear of course should be changed regularly). Putting on a different shirt, sweater, trousers, skirt or shoes is to experience a symbolic renewal. To refuse renewal is to be just waiting to die.
